Ask Uncle Gary
Dear Uncle Gary, I just started an amazing job as an assistant to a very successful hairstylist in Newport Beach.
I panicked and said I like girls, mostly because I was afraid that saying no would cost me the job. Now I’ve heard he’s been asking clients if they knew I like girls, and I feel like I’ve created a mess I don’t know how to clean up.
What should I do?
Signed, Mess-Maker
Dear Mess-Maker (and I say that with love),
First, congratulations on landing the job. Newport Beach, high-profile stylist, fresh start, that’s no small thing. You earned it.
Now, about the deer-in-headlights moment. You were caught off guard, and you did what a lot of people do when they feel cornered: you said something to deflect, to protect, to buy time. That doesn’t make you dishonest. It makes you human.
But now the moment has passed, and the story you told is walking around the salon without you. That’s the part we need to fix.
Here’s the truth: your boss crossed a line. Asking if you have a boyfriend is one thing. Asking you out when you’re brand new and working under him? That’s a power imbalance. And now he’s chatting with clients about your sexuality like it’s salon gossip. That’s not just inappropriate, it’s unprofessional.
“Asking you out when you’re brand new and working under him? That’s a power imbalance. And now he’s chatting with clients about your sexuality like it’s salon gossip. That’s not just inappropriate, it’s unprofessional.”
You don’t owe him a romantic explanation. You don’t owe him a label. What you do owe is yourself a little clarity and a lot of self-respect.
If you feel safe doing so, pull him aside and say, “I want to be clear, I’m here to work. I’m grateful for the opportunity, but I’m not comfortable with personal questions or conversations about my private life being shared with clients.”
You don’t have to explain the panic. You don’t have to revisit the lie. You just have to reset the boundary.
And if that feels too risky, document what’s happening. Keep notes. Talk to someone you trust. Because if this escalates or affects your job, you’ll want a record.
You’re not the problem here. You’re the professional trying to navigate a tricky situation with grace. And that’s something to be proud of.
Dear Uncle Gary,
How do I forgive someone who isn’t sorry?
Signed, Disappointed
Dear Disappointed,
Let me start here. Forgiveness is not a performance. It’s not a handshake, a ceremony, or a public declaration. It’s not about letting someone off the hook. It’s about letting yourself off the hook.
When someone hurts you and never apologizes, it’s tempting to hold on to that pain like it’s proof. Proof that they were wrong. Proof that you were right. Proof that you’re still waiting for justice. But here’s the thing: that proof gets heavy. It doesn’t just weigh on your heart. It starts to shape your days.
Forgiveness, in this case, is not about them. It’s about you deciding that their lack of remorse doesn’t get to define your peace. You don’t need their permission to heal. You don’t need their apology to move forward. You don’t even need them to know you’ve forgiven them.
Now, I’m not saying you have to invite them to brunch. You don’t have to send a card or pretend nothing happened. You can forgive someone and still keep your distance. You can forgive someone and still say, “I’m not putting myself in that position again.”
Forgiveness is not forgetting. It’s remembering without reliving. It’s saying, “That happened. It hurt. But I’m not carrying it anymore.”
And if you’re waiting for them to say sorry, let me gently suggest you stop holding your breath. Some people will never say it. Not because they’re evil, but because they’re incapable. They don’t have the tools. They don’t have the courage. They don’t have the self-awareness.
“So you forgive them anyway. Not because they deserve it, but because you do.”
And if that feels too big right now, start small. Forgive them for one thing. One moment. One sentence. Then see how it feels.
You don’t have to do it all at once. You just have to start.
Because forgiveness isn’t a gift you give them. It’s the one you give yourself.
